


Who's Gonna Take You Home - or - Pining pt. 2

by Aranhin



Category: The Secret World, secret world legends
Genre: Drinking, F/F, Gen, M/M, gay pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 08:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aranhin/pseuds/Aranhin
Summary: VigilantShadow wrote a small fic of their Owen and Lowtideandhightea's Therese having a similar exchange (the joke being that it happens with regularity) and I realized that Yumithedragongirl's Yumi and my Ian (Mooney) would probably have had a very similar exchange.Written for the Apiary Art Contest





	Who's Gonna Take You Home - or - Pining pt. 2

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VigilantShadow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VigilantShadow/gifts), [YumiTheDragonGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumiTheDragonGirl/gifts).



It's a Tuesday, early in the evening, and Mooney is drunk. Mooney is so drunk. Mooney is drunk in a way that he hasn't been since college, both in level of blood-alcohol content and also in level of mortifying-if-he-remembers-it-in-the-morning actions as well as words spilling forth from his mouth.

"I'm fucked, Yumi, absolutely fucked," he slurs, turning the cocktail glass in circles on the bar counter, mere inches from his face as he lay slumped over the bar in what couldn't have been a particularly comfortable position.

"Aww, I'm sure it's not _that_ bad, Moon-moon." Yumi waffles on whether to give him a friendly rub on the back or not, and finally decides on a quick pat on the back.

They'd been there since five-oh-one on the dot, and while Yumi had ordered a tea, and then another tea, and then a hot cocoa, and then a glass of water, Mooney… Mooney on the other hand had ordered four Misha&Cokes in a row and then devolved into ever-increasingly complex martinis and cocktails that had ended in his current concoction - something blue that smells very strongly of fruit syrups and alcohol.

"No - No you don't understand - Yumi, you don't understand. He's fucking. He's straight. He's so fucking definitely straight. The other day he shared his weekend plans and it consisted of 'watching football with the lads.' He still wears his high school class hoodie." Mooney pauses for a moment to take another sip of his drink, and then says grimly, "He wears. Adidas trainers. Just wears them, day to day."

Yumi blinks down at the very drunk man and after a long moment says, "Ok, so if he's straight… get over him?" That seemed obvious enough - though perhaps it was a little hypocritical of her to say so. There were definitely several women she had crushes on that were straight.

Mooney's reaction time was comically slow, taking him almost thirty seconds to look dramatically up at her.

"I fucking wish. Have you seen him? Have you seen him with your eyes? I mean you're gay as shit so like probably not but-- Fuck, he's gorgeous. Got these big chocolatey doe eyes, and his stupid fucking hair. Like that style went out of fashion like five years ago but it's stupid and perfect on him and. And you know how he's got freckles?"

Yumi thought back and - yes, the barista in question had freckles. She thought.

"Well apparently the pyramidion knows I'm gay 'cause I got this email from Cassini the other morning that was just. Like. A link and a zipped folder. Only the link went to Straight Boy's facebook and the zipped folder was, like, a gig of beach vacation photos. Looked like hawaii somewhere. Point is he was shirtless in all of them and _oh fuck my boss knows I'm a huge fucking faaaaag._ "

There's at least an inch of booze left in his drink, and Mooney straightened abruptly and drained the rest of the drink. Putting the empty cocktail glass down a little harder than was strictly necessary - and harder than intended - the man continued.

"He's got freckles, right? Well he's got freckles _all over._ Like, uh, in Star Trek, uh." He scrunches up his face in thought and gestures towards Yumi.

It takes her a second to get where he's going with his train of thought - she hasn't watched Star Trek herself, but one can only listen to friends ramble drunkenly about something before one starts to remember things - but finally guesses, "Trills?"

"Yes! Trills! The spots. Freckles. Whatever, the point is that they go all the way down. And, like, I'm ninety percent certain he played sports in school cause he's - what's the slang, uh - fucking fit."

He seems to get lost in this train of thought, staring blankly down at the woodgrain of the bar, and after a few long moments, Yumi takes the cocktail glass and pushes it back toward the bartender. When she gets his attention, she motions at her own glass of water, and then points at Mooney, and the bartender nods.

Vaguely Yumi wonders if taking Mooney into that coffee shop had been a bad idea. It was convenient, yes, and there was no way she could have known that her new friend would go so completely gaga over the only male barista in the place.

The Horned God isn't particularly busy - not on a tuesday, even though it is still well within the bounds of happy hour. There are a few groups in booths, and probably a few more out back - but aside from one usual couple on their side of the bar, there is a single pair on the opposite.

Yumi hasn't paid much mind to either - not until a particularly gay wail goes up from the far side of the bar. The voice sounds familiar, and Yumi leans one way, and then the other, until she can finally see the two on the far side. It's a man and a woman, the woman blonde and slumped over the bar, and the man blue-haired and patting the woman on the back.

Both are bees, that much is obvious, and Yumi is fairly certain she recognises them. It takes a moment to place them, but - yes, she does know them. One is the Illuminati recruiter - Owen Mitchell, she thinks - and the other a Templar agent named Therese something. It was Therese who had let out the wail, and Therese who was currently drunkenly lamenting something to do with 'gay' and 'Zaha' and 'I swear to God, Owen'.

And abruptly Yumi realizes that she and Owen are there for the exact same reason, her and Ian a direct mirror of Owen and Therese. Which is when Owen looks up, and the two of them make direct eye contact. Owen raises an eyebrow. Glances to Ian. Yumi nods faintly, and Owen gives her a sympathetic look.

And then the bartender returns with the glass of water. Ian looks disparaging down at it, and Yumi has to turn her attention back to him. He opens his mouth, turns his head toward her without looking away from the glass, but before he can complain, she pushes it closer towards him.

"Drink it. You're not allowed to have more booze until you have some water."

"Fffffine," he slurs, and downs the glass of water. "Hey. Bartender. Can I get a Pink Squirrel?"

The bartender gives him a skeptical look but begins to mix the drink.

There's a moment longer of silence, and then Mooney sighs.

"You know… you know what else goes down?" He taps the glass a few times, and then says, "Me. I would. On that idiot. I would, so enthusiastically…" and he trails off again as the bartender puts a drink down in front of him.

And that's when Yumi goes for her phone.

_Yumi: hey, you're buff. what are you doing?_

There's a moment of silence as Mooney drinks and Yumi stares down at the text messaging app on her phone. Finally - it feels like an eternity, but it's maybe five minutes - it buzzes.

_Grace: Nothing. What's up?_

_Yumi: Would you come take Mooney home? He's_

_Yumi: He's very drunk._

Yumi stares at the two texts, and then adds,

_Yumi: we're at the Horned God._

She waits long enough to see Grace's response of a thumbs up emoji, and then tucks her phone away.

Somehow Mooney has finished the drink already, and when Yumi looks up at him, he glances down at her and begins giggling.

"D'ya know, 's last name is Wood. Wood. Like, I'm _Mooney_ for him and he gives me _Woo--_ "

Before he can finish the sentence, a large metal hand descends in front of his face and covers his mouth, and he blows a frustrated raspberry against Grace's palm.

"Oh thank Gaia."

"Hi Yumi." Grace takes the empty glass from Mooney's hand, and puts it back on the bar.

"You got here fast - not that I'm complaining." Yumi pulls Mooney's wallet out of his pocket and fishes out a few bills for the bartender, and then tucks the well-worn leather object back into his pants.

"I was nearby."

The last drink has hit Mooney hard, and he slumps backwards against Grace - thus easily allowing her to scoop him up and throw him over her shoulder. She makes it as far as the door before abruptly setting him down in an empty booth, staring him in the face for a moment, and then picking him back up, this time bridal style. She shuffles awkwardly sideways to keep from hitting his head on the door frame, and then is gone.

The sound of Therese's voice catches Yumi's attention again a moment later, and she looks back to see the woman get up and stagger off toward the bathroom.

It's a split second decision, but Yumi calls the bartender over. As she's paying her tab, she says, "Hey, um. Bring the blue-haired guy another of whatever he's drinking."

The bartender nods, and asks, "Any message?"

"Same hat, and my condolences."

 

* * *

 

Ian wakes up to sunlight streaming in the single window of his shitty little flat, and groans. He's more hungover than he's been in… he can't remember how long. It takes him longer than than he'd like to remember what he did the previous night, and even then it only goes as far as shotgunning a glass of water, then nothing.

He groans and sits halfway up - then stops, head and stomach reeling.

When the two have settled again, he realizes that there's noise coming from the corner of his room. Blearily he blinks at the orochi soldier for several minutes, watching as they carefully clean a set of pistols, until after an embarrassingly long time he realizes that it's Grace.

She glances up at him, and then gestures with one gun at glass of water sitting next to his mattress.

_Ah, shit… What on earth have I gotten myself into?_

 

 


End file.
